Different narratives can be used to explore and overcome a sock fetish. I would like to look at one model, called the PAC model, derived from Harris’ I’m OK You’re OK.
When narratives about socks take on the connotations of an old child/parent script, they tend to reinforce compulsive behavior. If I am continually reminded in these narratives that I am a helpless, powerless being with no dignity or resources of my own, I am more compelled to escape into compulsive behaviors. If one analyzes the different narratives that one habitually goes to when there is a fetish, one can replace these narratives with healthier ones. Such kinds of narratives can curb the tendency toward infantile sexual compulsions.
It’s important to remember this: the power of a fetish does not lie in the object itself, but in the narratives we create around them. For example, if my narrative comes from a child, it might take the form of indulging or eroticizing the fetish. I am no longer an adult; instead, I am simply following my own compulsions without any sense of boundaries. I don’t realize that not having any boundaries creates suffering for me, because the desire for pleasure has no limits. It’s like a child without an adult to guide him in life or establish healthy boundaries and relationships.
On the other hand, if my narratives come on as “Parent”, I am condemning or shaming myself for having the fetish. I might start to chide myself for being immature, or I might diminish myself or disrespect myself for having such emotions. This actually has the effect of increasing compulsive acting out. Why? Because when I am continually told that I am wrong or bad for having these feelings, I start to internalize the idea that I am helpless and in need of someone else to determine my worth. I go to a place of retreat into a primal relationship, which only reinforces my compulsive behavior more.
Adult narratives do something different. They acknowledge the feelings that I have and also create healthy boundaries so that the desire is contained. Adult narratives also acknowledge the importance of staying with frustration rather than trying to kill frustration through indulging desire in a limitless way. That is, they lean into frustration rather than trying to “remove” frustration. Yet, here’s the tricky part: leaning into frustration requires a healthy sense of self. If I just say, “well, you should enjoy frustration”, that can be a kind of veiled masochism that reinforces the compulsive fetish.
Adult perspectives also acknowledge the possibility of outgrowing a fetish. I don’t want to be a slave to it anymore, and as an adult, I can choose not to be. I can redirect my attention in different ways that are more constructive and reasonable. And I can still appreciate socks in a more dispassionate, friendly way that is not eroticized. In other wordss, I can talk back to the fetish in a way that it is not eroticized.
boysocks318 