Socktonomy?

I think that what I briefly glimpsed yesterday really helped me to clarify how I can be more relaxed while wearing socks, without getting giddy or aroused in the wrong sorts of ways. It’s only when I can find a secure sense of autonomy while wearing socks that I can start to outgrow my infantile attachment to socks.

When I say “outgrow”, I don’t mean in the sense of rejecting, but I am thinking more along the lines of incorporating and integrating the attachment in ways that are socially acceptable. Getting “over” a fetish requires a special kind of adjustment to the social world that is not trying to avoid socks. More so, it is about not sexualizing them or making them seem gendered in any way. This requires a kind of cultivation of conscious equanimity which is not about repression but it more about working with the original energy of the mind. When I become more versed in how to work with that energy, I am no longer stuck in the categorization of an object, and it can be queered to some extent so that it is not meaning one particular thing.

I am afraid that this also means saying goodbye to unhealthy attachments such as expectations that others accept me, recognize me, or be tender toward me. Since socks have all so often in the past symbolized a maternal bond, it may take me some time to internalize that maternal attitude, rather than projecting it onto others and expecting them to nurture me. Such an expectation is hardly fair to others and it also disowns my own ability to cre for myself.